detachment

banyak kata ingin kuucapkan
banyak tawa ingin kuberikan
banyak rasa ingin kutebarkan

namun saat semua hal terasa indah
seuntai senyum dapat mengatakan

saat semua terasa hampa
airmata mungkin dapat menenangkan

ingin kusampaikan
rasa sesak didada
saat tangan tak dapat menggapai
saat kata tak dapat menguntai
saat senyum tak dapat kuraih
saat rasa tak lagi kudengar

kuhanya ingin duduk disini
ditepi uraian waktu
kuingin hanya menanti
uluran tangan kemegahan surya
memberi kata dan rasa dengan makna
untuk ketenangan hati

kadang kubertanya
apakah mungkin dapat terjadi
hanya dengan menanti
kudapatkan hangat dan segarnya hati

ingin kurasakan
hangatnya mentari
dinginnya malam
panasnya kecupan
segarnya pelukan

disini
ditepian waktu
dalam keheningan jiwa
saat semua berlalu

rasa,
kuingin meraihnya
dalam gelora kehidupan
kuingin merasakan
merdekanya jiwa
menyatakan dengan cinta
aku
kamu
dalam sebuah penantian
tanpa batas
tanpa kata
tanpa airmata

kuingin merasakan
sebuah kebahagiaan jiwa

entah
aku hanya bertanya
mungkinkan dapat terjadi
disini
tanpa uraian waktu
aku hanya ingin menanti
datangnya sang surya
yang melegakan hati
dan menenangkan jiwa

why should i hate bb?

mungkin aku gak tau fungsinya
mungkin aku gak tau maknanya

buat aku
to err is human.
setiap jam
setiap menit
setiap detik
cek ini lah
cek itu lah
balas ini lah
balas itu lah
kirim ini lah
kirim itu lah

pagi siang sore peteng malem
gak selesai kayanya
udah dong yah
your life will not be 'kaput' coz of
your not holding it

mungkin aku yang gak ngerti.
aku hanyalah siapa
diantara mana
yang tak lagi mengenal mu

gak penting juga aku compete
gak penting juga aku hate bb

so?
sebaiknya aku ngomong apa?
he is no longer human to me.

semoga kamu bahagia,
mungkin itu lebih bermakna.

twentythird september on 8th

prost!

alone
at sushi bar

surprise....
and the present stay still

happy anniversary.
cukup ada.
it's more than enovgh.

weird though, emotionless.

KL

it was last week sebenernya.....

perjalanan sebagai anugrah atas hal yang ternyata kita butuhkan.
sudah lama aku menginginkannya...
sudah lama aku memendamnya...
tanpa berani aku mengutarakannya.

kebersamaan yang dirasakan tanpa kehadiran secara mutlak
adalah bagaimana kita memandang dan bersyukur.

buatku, ini adalah awal perjalanan kehidupan
bukan untuk kita
tapi untuk aku sendiri
sang egois
tentunya diawali dengan pencarian yang mendalam.

it's simple
but it was a luxury.
'kemulan' in bed...
reading books... (ya, i finished two - funtastico !)
have rosemary & lemon hot bathtub
managing my own time; at what time i woke up... at what time i did my activities (baca: shopping) - not the otherway around as my routine life in jakarta :(

i thank you.
for the present
for being presence

since then i knew
what i need the most to make it better.
and here it comes:
session number one, two, three, for, five ?, till it fixed
to return to life
recharge
reenergize
reborn

can you see now the light?

session 2

i thank you for the external help.
in which i need it badly.

feel much much better now.
i feel light,
and when you feel better,
you see better,
and suppose you express it better (?!)

session 1

released to oneforth-empty
it was weird though, like a dripping water... when it reached it's end, it's just flowing.

here came out
my anger,
my sorrow,
my hates,
my bleeding heart,
my confusion,
my acceptance,
my understanding,
and my love without hesitation.

all leads to one,
FREEDOM

free from fear
free from hesitation
free from one who absorbs your energy

will you dare enough to fulfill your dreams
and reach your destiny?

hardly wait to next sess.

dark night

and the petals swill down to find the eternity...
the sun will shine
the moon will play the music
one, to find it's written path.

smile within
for the shine of the spirit.

hang in there!

life is about choises

terima kasih karna aku telah diperkenalkan pada suatu perjalanan hidup yang sometimes memang menyakitkan. Gak semua itu indah.
Tapi semua bermakna...

we are here today coz we have chosen our path in the past. Jalanin ajah... toh itu yang kita pilih.
we will be there tomorrow coz what we are doing right now. Jalanin ajah... toh kita diberi kesempatan untuk memilih.

sejujurnya gak ada masalah,
but do we brave enough to take the risks...
do we believe that it will lead you there.

Life is about choices,
my past has brought me so far this way.
the memory remains for me to learn the mistake.
i'm opening up my heart for this moment,
and i shall continue my journey with a fresh spirit, more understanding, more love to share
for my bebe
for the one who loves to make my heart bleeding
for my links to the universe

i've chosen this path
though i know it hurts
though i know it's a white lie
though i know :(
but it's real.

jalanin ajah...
walaw jalannya berputar,
i surrender for light to lead me.
time will tell when the time has come.

for once in my life

camera captures great moments
but my heart captures all memories

time passes so quickly,
and i can't hardly wait to be with you again.

my heart knows you a little further,
and i will let the universe to lead me beyond.

i shall thank you for the time and effort you've made.
i shall thank you for sharing the moments with me.
and i thank you for the great nite you embraced me.

for once in my life
i realize it's true
my searching to find the light
is through you,
as path i've chosen right for this moment.

and i shall continue.

KL

is worth doing it to spend sometimes for yourself...
also with the one you love.

dalam keheningan aku berpikir dan mendengar.
dalam kehangatan aku merasakan.

time will heals,
time will leads,
time will take you to breath and appreciate
what you call it 'right at this moment'.

and that is why... they call it 'present'

puasa dalam hening

Puasa ku terasa nikmat

Saat kita sadar akan keberadaannya

Puasa ku terasa nikmat

Saat kita menjalankan dengan penuh hikmat

Kupejamkan mataku

Kubacakan niatku

Kusujud ruku menghadapMu

Kupasrahkan segala keinginanku

Kuhadapkan segala kecemasanku

Habis sudah rasa dan airmata

Kuantarkan doaku

Kuterimakan maafku

Kulayangkan maafku

Hanya untukmu satu,

I set you FREE

Absolutely FREE

Semoga dikeheningan ini

Kutemukan makna hidupku.

i surender

i burst out of tears
last nite
on the floor.

..
.......
....


he directed me to forgive
to invite my pain and my sorrow
to love even more
to accept
and to release

he loves me, he said softly
just let it be
just let it go
i need some space
as to show you my light

i am in you
i am with you
don't be afraid
just be you.

i welcome you.... i love you... i'll take care of you.

i wanna be free from these feelings: eliminated, ignored, neglected, rejected, discomfort, worried, envy, unsecured, being hurt trus trusan, jengkel, and ngarep. FOREVER.